If I was as rich as I am weird, I’d get an AMC Eagle ICON’D

Probably the only time you shouldn’t see a doctor about cervical Spurs.

I’d like to formally add “details of your child’s potty training struggles” to that list

can i just get it like this.. but with a proper full cage.. and a nice fat cow bar in front?

Four: Father John Misty

There are three things no one wants to hear about, no matter how politely they may listen:

Clean title.

Everything works except car

needs new power steering pump I HAVE THE PART NUMBER PICTURE OF THE PART IN A BINDER

Rare color combination

Check engine light is on, mechanic says it’s just a sensor

Ran when parked.

MOVING, NEED TO SELL ASAP

I once worked at a college bar that bought this $3000 ID scanner. The bar owner told everyone, even had the newspaper do a story on it. This alarmed me because being a college bar half our crowd used fake ID’s. So I asked the owner why he bought this, we were going to lose a fortune. The owner smiled and shook his…

“Fuck. So close.”

Translated: We’re desperately calling law firms, hoping we can find one that can cut our monetary damages as low as possible, and is scummy enough to destroy the integrity of a 12-year old girl without a second thought.

are investigating a possible case of excessive force

“After he died in 2012, I had my mom and grandma send me his copy of Mario Kart 64, and occasionally I’ll pop it in to race one of his ghosts. All these years later, and I still can’t beat him.”

“9 year old girls should be playing with dolls, not trying to be reporters”