JOHNNY MANZIEL WATCH

Don't think that things would have been better if Steve Nash were playing. He couldn't carry Kobe Bryant's luggage.

It's just you. Everyone else knows that black comedians who played obstetricians on 80s sitcoms are the sleaziest people on earth.

Police who arrived on the scene described it as a "riot"

I grew up in Oklahoma, and my middle school principal was one of the greasers that went to school with S.E. Hinton. I'm sad I never told him to "stay gold".

Wow. So now kids read The Outsiders and decide to emulate the Socs?

"It's coming to you!' -Jason Kidds' car to the telephone pole.

C'mon, now. Picking on the poor Redskins is like kicking a puppy. A racist puppy.

I don't know, the Bills are pretty creative when it comes to losing games.

"If the NFL is pushing this game to be held, then shame on the NFL," Poloncarz said.

If I were the Bills or Jets, I would want to play in Washington, too. No road team EVER loses there.

Chief Brunelle later added that one of the suspects tried to get rid of some of the biological evidence with bleach, but failed in that attempt.

One of the six ratted out the others and cut a deal. Hmm, wonder which one it was?

Hmm, I'm not sure how it holds up over time; but I do know I've got quite a few friends with daughters, all in their early 20's, named Ariel.

"What does Kobe Bryant consider a manifestation of consent to sex?"

"What is the most eloquent thing you've ever heard Nick Young say?"

No, what makes you nauseous is your self-righteousness.

Or even the adoption of about 500 shelter pets.

YASSSS!!!!!

I used to drain 40s as a warm-up, too. And did anyone want an autograph? Fuck no. They just put me to bed.