If the Diaz Brothers were after me and looking to kick my ass I would hop on a plane and try to sneak into North Korea. I would rather rot in a hard labor camp than live freely with the thought those two Stockton trash maniacs were looking to stomp on my skull all day.

The gum chewing really adds to the genuine, heartfelt sentiment.

A floorboard impaled uterus is the free market equivalent to Planned Parenthood.

Get a new contractor if he didn’t know to insulate & heat cable any existing vulnerable pipes in the first place. Please don’t tell me this is a new build.

Kinja doesn’t understand markdown formatting.

Aren’t you afraid the Lazys are gonna take your hard earned stuff and power?

Poor, Greg Anthony. I hope he finds himself a nice hooker at the Republican National Convention this year.

Bench cold, Mosgov need furry head cover.

“cleanest pussy in Liverpool” seems like it would be disrepectful to the local slags

The decision to let him go or the part where Kevin gives (renowned offensive genius & molder of young quarterbacks) Lovie Smith, credit for Winston’s success?

heh

They shouldn’t be standing in the way when freedom falls from the skies.

That’s like, 2 years worth of pine needles & cones in that yard. Would take like 15 minutes to rake ‘em up and bag.

If you’re ever stuck in a burning building and I’m walking by with my new Werner Multiladder, I’m gonna throw feces at you.

If you’re ever stuck in a burning building and I’m walking by with my new Werner Multiladder, I’m gonna throw feces…

You should be kicking yourself if you missed the 17’ Werner multiladder for $89 at Lowe’s last weekend.

You should be kicking yourself if you missed the 17’ Werner multiladder for $89 at Lowe’s last weekend.

I had to return a great many paper slips to the video game aisle after Mom finally discovered them.

Worst feeling ever was getting to the Toys R Us game isle and seeing no more paper slips in the plastic holder for the game you were looking for.

A little liquid smoke never hurts either.

I love laughing at that dumb ape.