Nobody lives *in* Indy. Everyone lives in the ‘burbs. Avon. New Pal. Ben Davis. Southport. Greenwood. Carmel. Fishers. But not actually IN Indy. Nobody is that crazy.

To be fair, Mass Ave is still basically “downtown” and really only stands out because the entire area has somehow managed to become more hipster than even fucking Portland, OR. You want culture or something better than downtown? Go to Keystone and walk around the ridiculously expensive mall. If that’s not your bag, go…

Best (sarcasm) part of Indy is it’s known as the Circle City because everything is laid out within a big giant circle and people can’t even fucking handle that, which is why there’s so much traffic. The goddamned “Racing Capital of the World” where our most talked about tradition/past-time is literally driving in a…

Yeah Schmrew get your schmit together!

“Have a beer, for god’s sake. I hate this state.” - but don’t try to do it on a Sunday because bars are closed and you can’t buy alcohol literally anywhere unless you’re dining out in your Sunday best after church at an Applebees in which case you can order a beer there because, somehow, being allowed to order food…

I’m fully on the side of the upset neighbors. I get that it’s on his own property and he’s not breaking any laws, but it’s an eyesore that you and everyone around you would damn sure get tired of seeing all the time. Before I lived in the house I’m in now, a neighbor on my old street had a big ass boat. It was the…

Good to see an American runner get up and finish after falling! That’s the spirit! *stares intensely at whatever that womans name was in 2012 that fell and didn’t finish*

Look man, my life is shit and I’ve got nothing else going on. The video put me in a happier mood because that woman is fucking beautiful. Just let me enjoy this little bit of happiness. It’s all I’ve got.

That woman might just be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. Holy crap. At one point I forgot she was even making food, I was too busy staring at her perfect face, completely smitten.

“Funny, you could get fined hundreds of dollars if you had your sister in your hotel room...” - look pal, if I have your sister with me in a hotel room, we don’t need any $4 porn. We’re gonna be making our own.

*tries to put sunglasses on to look as cool as that statement made me but misses and stabs self in the eye…

That poor guy is gonna go the rest of his life having Ted Strycker-like PTSD where he can’t drink a glass of water like a normal person but instead of water it’s nachos and any time the guy goes to eat one he just smashes himself in the face with it and leaves himself a cheesy nacho-y mess. War is hell.

Drew...Drew fucked that gyro in that hotel room, didn’t he?

Is Tim Tebow Bo Jackson? No. He is not Bo Jackson. Only Bo Jackson could pull off pulling the double duty of the NFL and MLB. You are not Bo Jackson, Mr. Tebow. Trust me, Bo knows.

At least they have each other to cry and sob with. I do it alone and no one ever comes to my rescue and makes me dinner. Probably gonna stay that way forever too with the way things are going. FUCK.

How long until it’s revealed she’s been on something this whole time?

Oh, nice.

No ass is worth that, I always say.

Tried the corner and missed.

If umps are this sensitive then it’s a good thing Joe West has never heard the things I’ve shouted about him before then.

Yeah but for every good decision he makes, he turns around and does things like start motherfucking Brian Matusz after he hasn’t started in an MLB game in over 4 years precisely because of how bad he was only to, oh would ya look at that, put up a 6 spot in 3 goddamn innings. I love Joe Maddon, I love my Cubbies, but…