Sissy Spacek will star as Burton in the film adaptation of that last paragraph.

It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

O.B. quiet, Greg.

He wants his name taken off the complex.

Cali Perkins, who reminds us that "Sometimes the score doesn't show everything. Sometimes all you can give is your fullest."

Is he tough? He's a really Type-1 personality.

It's hard to find a good mustache.

I am Jack's senile rage.

Soon as I saw this, I knew it would get a menschion on Deadspin.

"And I thought - this is really an epidemic," says Rochelle Behrens.

"This is how we Moll"

I think Jim Pfander should invest in some depfibrillators.

@The CFL Allstar: That's outstanding. Wow, I'm in shock. Thank you Adrian Beltre, Carl Crawford and everybody else who had a hand in this.

@UweBollocks: It seems like this wasn't his call.

I personally don't think they can get by Boston

It's entirely acceptable to go to the stadium and drink the game away, as long as you're not an asshole.

Upon learning of the hiring, Emmitt Smith agreed that a change might be necessary for the Raiders, but is skeptical that Wolverine is the right man for the job.

Screwing with people's minds is an American pastime.

...so the key anytime you're playing Chicago is not to turn the ball over.

"She seemed annoyed," he says. "She was just looking for advice on how to handle the situation with someone calling her, and that's as far as I went. I said that if she wanted me to call whoever was calling, I'd call and ask them to stop."