I think the paper is being unfairly Van Diemenized here.

Passengers told to wait in seats, but some try to de-plane anyway.

It was as if fate had intervened to prevent television audiences from seeing Bates at his humiliating nadir.

He was blessed with a pear-shaped physique that was almost Ruth-ian.

...and I was like, 'What's going on?' He was like, 'It's an earthquake. You don't feel it?' I was like, 'Man, I didn't even feel it.' Downsy didn't feel it. All the guys in the infield said they didn't feel it.

Hernandez was badly Gored a few months ago, and clearly not mentally ready to return to the ring.

Anybody else unable to stop saying "Boubacar"?

Young showed up at Club Onyx and met with managers about "special arrangements" for him and a couple friends.

This was easily Coppola's worst film. Easily.

The sound is from the vuvuzela, South Africa's answer to the Thunderstick.

I knew Craggs was The Mentalist.

Well, "Double-Murderer Hellmann's" sure as hell wasn't going to fit.

Beware the World Cup Wife Beaters

To be fair, the company's HESSE program was surprisingly enlightened.

In Moscow, they still miss him. He was Russia's greatest love machine. It's shame how he carried on.

Forty-nine years is a long time.

Wow, she's really taking the closing of ESPN Zone hard.

Typical Austrians. Always player Haydn.

"A restaurant meal is a very discretionary behavior."

Pictured: Guy Fucked with Guy Fawkes