Meanwhile, Dave Sbarro put a hair in an Olive Garden fettuccine alfredo.

Prior to Weis, the most bloated and clumsy thing in Kansas City was Jennifer Jason Leigh's performance.

The last time I heard so much talk of blood and "deep plunges" together, I was watching A&E's Biography of Greg Louganis.

"...his ongoing conduct has led me to conclude that he is not currently fit to take the court.

The fuck is Janet Reno doing with a tubby Thundercat?

Coincidentally, Jason Whitlock voted for Mallomars at lunch.

Sure, this piece was a little bit long and dry, but it was actually pretty entertaining when I mentally replaced every mention of "George Michael" with "Gloria Estefan" and "Sports Machine" with "Miami Sound Machine".

Just put him on one of those Dr. Drew shows and he should be fine.

"What's that? Grandma got caught in a 37-car pileup on I-20? PUT THE GAME BACK ON, A-HOLES!"

Not to excuse the Winnipeg Sun, but they also believe that [BangBros.com] is a family owned car insurance provider.

I think we'd take Ramon's claims a bit more seriously if he didn't have a penchant for wearing vests without a shirt, greasing his hair, and throwing toothpicks.

...there's Matt Holliday, who will earn ludicrous amounts of cash to wear a pictures of Cardinals on his clothing.

Randy Johnson retired yesterday with his place secured in the history books as the ugliest left-handed pitcher of all time.

None of this would have happened if Buzz had obtained a copy of Bonestorm.

If this story were coming from Ken Burns, it would be 1800 overwrought and unnecessary pages.

This is that dwarf's most despicable act since he helped trap Dale Cooper in the Black Lodge.

Williams' defence is that he had Piano Man on the stereo and got distracted.

Jeron Johnson better be careful. The last person from Compton to major in that ended up suing Eazy-E for non-disclosure.

There is something pretty admirable about a guy who not only treats other people like shit, but also to it.

It was just "horse play."