That's when Deion Sanders shouted out, "MAN, NO ONE WANTS YOUR PLAYS!" I used to hate Deion. No longer.

The entire name is written in a perfectly horizontal direction, almost as if there were an invisible line under it. It's rigid. This is probably due to his keen visual judgment.

Gay harelip-readers all over America still love Joaquin Phoenix, though.

Note: this photo was taken by Harry Benson

Conversely, Dmitri Voronin, president of Kiev's largest cell phone provider, is still holding his press conference to announce his company's competitive holiday promotions.

We'll have more on this soon, and I'd wager the NBA will, too.

"One and 17 tonight, coach!" he said, and held on for a moment and repeated himself.

The film adaptation of this column will be directed by Guy Ritchie.

TICKETS ARE COMPLIMENTARY.

SonnyCor1972 writes: "It's not business, it's strictly personal."

Meanwhile, Chile's answer remains Pablo Neruda.

This is the most awkward voicemail I've heard since Mike Peters called back the girl from the bar.

His private life, fiercely protected for most his adult life, is now open for business. And it looks like business will be good.

Charles Pierce, the behatted nemesis of Bill Simmons, wrote a piece for [Esquire.com] about his experience covering Tiger and the golfer's not-so-secret rep as "something of a hound."

Fresh Cup's decision to run with the "Get More Bang for Your (Star)bucks in Seattle" article on the cover proved to be equally ill-timed.

Florida Gator lineman Carlos Dunlap, the defensive MVP of last year's national championship game, was arrested this morning after being found asleep in his car....at a green light.

I think they probably misinterpreted because they are on so many drugs and just stupid.

If Vokoun were a ginger, Craig Bellamy would be perfectly okay with this.

"Since the M.L.B. playoffs, we've had several discussions with Chip Caray regarding 2010 and beyond."

It will now reportedly cost the school around $18 million just to walk him as briskly as possible out of town, whilst accommodating his need for a break to catch his breath every couple of blocks.