And, on that infamous evening in New England, as the snow banks stood massive and the tears of hipsters everywhere fell as they watched the power they had habituated to receiving from whipping out their iDevices and typing furiously upon their single star...

I live in Boston and I will be going to this place now. That's awesome.

holy fucking cock dedication!

And, let's be honest, more executives SHOULD.

You people, you old so-and-sos, how are you living this Eve? I am exactly 21 days away from my second comprehensive exam and I am literally in bed, surrounded by books I don't particularly want to read, dying slowly. Halp? Anyone? Encouragement?

Oh good. Now I can tear the roof of my mouth to shreds AND feel the splort of a globby substance in my mouth without having to eat this entire Nutritous Whore's Breakfast (tm)

I am just waiting for the day when Taco Bell announces a partnership with a cable company and stoners can bundle their tacos into their service.

Any day now, we're going to discover that Taco Bell is the largest single funder in the marijuana legalization campaigns. Because seriously, they're trying to corner that market.

Drunken late-night meal I've eaten once:

She could probably teach a master class on guerilla pick-ups, I think it usually went like this...

My bestie and I were having dinner at a local chain. I would like to preface this by letting you know that I had taken a sick day from work and had my hair in a ponytail and was wearing a borrowed sweater and—and I am not making this up—Birkenstocks with socks. In 2003. Not my best look.

I drank a quarter of a bottle of Malibu, sat on a guys lap and took my shirt off- complaining it was "too hot" (we were in a drafty basement)- in a sad attempt to put the moves on a guy. We've been married for almost 5 years now.

"With this outfit, I was going for a cross between 'walking herpes virus' and 'date rapist.' I think I got there."

My own started when I was working as a clerk at the library, and this guy I'd seen - and I'd also noted that he was The One That I Wanted - at punk shows came in a few times a week. I started to throw candy on his table every time I saw him, and I would not look at him and just walk away. One thing led to another…

This story isn't particularly impressive, but I'm an incredibly shy person at times and it was an unprecedented bold move for me and is a serious confidence booster.

I recited "Roses are red

How do we know that white llama didn't frame black llama and then post the dress to get our attention off its skulduggery.