Don’t worry. The Chargers are going to get the full Hollywood treatment:

San Diego, you have been liberated from a greedy, assbag owner who wanted you to pay for his playground and a tone-deaf sports league that literally doesn’t care about anything other than money, revels in stupidity, and is slowly killing its players. And all it cost you was eight days a year of overpriced tickets and…

For one, it’s based on a deliberate (?) misunderstanding of Heywards comment.
Heyward never said the Cubs core was better. He said that he liked the idea of knowing who he would be playing with for the duration of his contract. He KNEW who the core in Chicago would be. Who’s part of the core and under contact in St.…

I wish Cracky was still their manager.

Beyond the local boy aspect, the real reason the Padres picked Bush #1 is because they knew they could sign him for cheaper than other top prospects. Including the guy who was drafted second overall....somebody named Justin Verlander

Vulval pant folds = always a good look

May I suggest, “Dan Marino should die of gonnhorea and rot in hell?”

In my bad fantasies it’s a steel-toed jackboot with a well-muscled leg attached.

George’s brain was very busy trying to calculate just how many feet that guy had - and how many time he’d have to duck.

A pair of Crocs slatherd in K-Y.

You really would have hoped the Secret Service would have been able to at least get in front of the second shoe, though given what we now know about their incompetence, I guess it’s not surprising.

It does look like he is talking on a Zack Morris cell phone.

You’re using the phone wrong, Jaden. You’re holding it upside down.

He looks like the terrifying hybrid of Jimmy Clausen, Silas from Weeds, and Dumb and Dumber-era Jeff Daniels.

He sounds like a delight!

If those aren’t the words of a devout Christian....

telling his critics to, “suck my balls.”

Call me weird, but I’d rather watch this than soccer.