Everything she says has been aged in oak barrels.

Sheriff Lobo!

Fuck it, I’ll bite...it wasn’t me.

The guy’s entire belief system is based on the persecution of others. I’m not gonna shed any tears for a worthless fascist getting a little taste of his own.

Posting while drunk is never a good idea. The correct order is:

Oh God yes. This isn’t a CBS procedural. There isn’t going to be some old girlfriend coming forward with DNA evidence that proves . . . something and the GOP-led Congress will start impeachment proceedings. Trump has given Congress a million different reasons to impeach already, all of them live on television,…

Say what you want about Colin Kaepernick, but when he made an overt political statement, he answered questions about it. Hell, since “balance” is so important, I’ll say even old Curt Schilling is willing to engage criticism about his expressed political beliefs.

Andy Borowitz is getting really weird.

I would say Rodgers is mailing it in, but apparently no one’s received even a birthday card from him in years.

Well folks, it finally happened. The NRA warned us all but I didn’t believe them. Last night as I was watching the debate there was a knock on my door. This startled me since I didn’t buzz anyone up. Maybe it was a neighbor who needed something? I ask who is it as I check the peephole and it was President Obama! At…

Speaking of cocksucking monkeys, game 2 has reminded me how much Trent Dilfer makes me want to crawl out of my skin and punch myself in the face over and over until I can’t hear Trent Dilfer anymore.

Glad he’s finally caught a break.

Dear dining public:

Another (regretfully) true story: During my Fazoli’s days (back at the second location I worked at) we had a guy who was a regular jackass. I hated this guy, because he was a condescending prick, and always had the most pain in the ass special orders he could come up with. So, one night during the week of the Final…

A yuppie and his date came into the bar. It was obviously early in the relationship and he was obviously showing her how urbane he was.

The international breakfast is a half-waffle

If people serving food are so brilliant why aren't they splitting atoms or something?