I mean, I like that, but now we’ll be splitting hairs over what constitutes a player’s “whole body”. Was his waitline fully offside or not?!

I had a friend who worked morning shift at a downtown grocery store that also sold liquor. If you’re employed as, say, a bartender, it’s just sort of understood that part of your job is watching folks gradually drink themselves to death in front of you. He was a little surprised to find that this was *also* part of…

Nothin’ wrong with being a sloppy bear!

You stuck to sports so hard you might never get peeled off the sports again.  SPORTS!

> Nobody liked this call.

Having Burneko review booze is like having Marchman review only popular things: their most basic frame of reference is so fucked out, they don’t have a baseline to compare against

Coca Cola is the Alabama of football. It dominates for a reason and as much hate as it gets there’s much to be desired about it and you can understand the appeal even if you want to cheer on a scrappy underdog. At the end of the day you know damn good and well that you hope this restaurant serves Coke instead of Pepsi.

TIL that Burneko, for all of his virtues as a blogger, has shit taste in beverages.

Or, is it the only way to live?

I am a visibly washed-up wreck of a 38-year-old, just an absolute pile of nonthreatening shit wearing shapeless—but breathable!—linen shorts that would be embarrassing if I had any dignity to put at risk. My shirt does not literally have the words “Father Of Two” stamped on it, but that’s only because it would be…

Being from his hometown I was about ready to call you out saying that’s not where he wrecked his car. Then I remember this is Jon Jones and remember he has multiple wrecks.

I think they were going for a sarcastic "inimitable," but chose the wrong in- word.

Somebody should have informed them that

It’s never good when you have to go under the hood to determine if it was the clap

I look forward to the day when the rulebook takes four pages to define a clap. 

It could also easily be argued (as the author does) that Nike is not amplifying Kaepernick’s message, but rather watering it down, repurposing it, and using it to sell sneakers.

is that Kaepernick himself has already profited from the very same move Jay-Z is using now.

That’s some pretty damning stuff.  It’s almost as if powerful people were friends with Jeffrey Epstein and his contacts kept him above the law.  Almost as if our entire justice system were fundamentally broken due to corruption; but if that were true then we’d see a lot of poor, largely powerless individuals being…

The laptop that Cam Newton stole in college is technologically more advanced than 95% of North Carolina. 

Dodged a bullet when I was 7 and came home from a trip to the store with my mom excited to show my dad a Mark Rypien jersey I bought with my birthday money. He asked why the hell I’d buy a Rypien jersey, I told him that they won the Super Bowl so they’re my favorite team and he explained that bandwagoning was dumb,…