You know those dried pumpernickel crisps? That's why.

Jim Hairball

This was my gateway beer and I've never looked back.

A bowl game seems like way too intense of a venue for a mescaline trip. But hey, Ohio.

I cannot decide whether I'm angrier at having been introduced to this or Chuck Johnson.

Way worse than "Is something burning?" is when, in the middle of the night, the wife asks "Did you hear something?"

The 'hauling' and 'mulch' led me to be believe there would be trucks. I can't get it to not give me Camaro.

Qu'ran Landry

#24 most dangerous land animal be damned, I'd give it a go.

Exactly what I told my wife when she went in for the IUD.

This scenario has got to have the widest gap between 'How Awesome I Thought It Would Be' vs. 'How Badly it Sucked'. Bradly, just move. Leave all your shift behind and start over somewhere else.

The fact that Drew doesn't seem to recognize clips from the movie Heavy Metal is bothering me way more than it should.

She is absolutely disgusting. I mean, there wasn't even any peanut butter on it.

I realize that it wasn't you who labeled candy corn as 'awesome flavored', but it's deception nonetheless. Negligent misinformation at the very least. Either way. Watch it.

Big Candy Corn will not abide your deception, Kyle. Watch your back.

People who claim to hate candy corn are the same people who swear they don't pee in the shower.

Where's the love for Calvary?

You have nothing to explain to me, sir. I was just having a go. Agreed that she appears to have fantastic genetics.

Said the guy who copped to pawing at himself in the backseat of a taxi. What the hell is wrong with you?