Monday Morning Quarter Hack.

John Jefferson, anyone?

He's a criminal who got away with a serious crime under Texas "law." He's trying to portray himself as a caring father because he made a phone call. This makes me so fucking angry that Roger Goodell seems like a reasonable person. I hope AP blows both ACLs getting out of bed tomorrow. Before you respond—go look…

I don't get the constant breathless coverage on the NBA. With the exception of the coverage of truly wretched teams (Sixers, Lakers), the rest is like watching paint dry. No bueno.

Actually, the Patriots received thousands of this same tweet from the Boston area.

Peterson's a piece of garbage—whipping a 4 year old, injuring him and getting away with it. Big man, AP. Asshole. I hope he blows both ACLs out tomorrow getting out of bed.

The attorney is a complete shitbag, so are his client, Florida State University and the Florida law enforcement authorities who obstructed justice in this case. This shit is shameful even by Florida's low standards.

It's called NBA basketball in 2014.

This song is jingoistic nonsense. Get rid of this "tradition." Let's go back to "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." An even better song is the one that Woody Guthrie wrote in response to Irving Berlin: "This Land is Your Land." Unless you can roll Kate Smith out on the ice (which last happened 40 years ago when she…

Who cares? Oh, Bill Simmons. That's about it.

I'm sorry, but isn't his lifetime of being a sanctimonious asshole justification enough to send him back to the moldy old Playboy Mansion for that weekend? Typical Cal students—trying too hard.

I'll take Barnwell over Simmons covering the NFL 8 days a week.

Here we go. A week and a half of freaking Journey songs and raisin-face Steve Perry in the stands, while the SF fans think that's awesome. Douchechills all around.

Uh, the fans were handed the banners by Eagles' staff. So why are the fans to blame?

Hmm . . . team and police in cahoots to hinder and investigation? Winston will fit right in with the Niners.

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.

Elvis Patterson relinquishes all rights to his nickname—henceforth Cary Williams will be known as "Toast."

Scoreboard.

InstantCheckMate.com? What the fuck is that? Someone using her likeness without an OK is the same as talking to a media outlet? The Gawker family is on roll today (the so-called Silicon Valley walkabout was complete spoon-fed bullshit for the New York crowd). Keep up the good work—you're about to create a nice…

The entire 49er organization is classless. He just happens to fit right in.