This is fucking fantastic.

The thing about shit-talking Waiters is that sometimes they spit in your food.

Being a Marlins fan I remember the LoMo experience. He would get on a hot streak for a series or two and make you think he was finally playing up to his potential. Around this time is when you would encounter funny, likeable LoMo on twitter.

Heckler: (heckles)

-Opens Door to Garage

It’s so unlike a Redskin to be swindled by a bunch of white guys

I’m a big fan of declaring people Kings for obscure accomplishments. King of Catcher Interference? Way to go guy!

Late lunch is the only answer. If you leave for lunch at 1 or 2, then you have less of the day to come back to. HOW DOES EVERYONE NOT KNOW THIS?

Is that you, Progressive Liberal?

“Emptying the tanks” was my favorite part of the commentary, because the poop wasn’t yet known. Hilarity ensues.

She left it all out there in the ring.

Its the Braves, if they don’t like the results, they can always take it back.

I day-drank, (day-drunk, drinkeded?) the past two Saturdays and I gotta tell yah, not as fun as it used to be. I’m 30, so my body starts to shut down after about 3 hours of being out, but I was guilt tripped into staying out longer both times. Here’s the worst part about being day-drunk. No one outside of that bar…

What’s The Best Store To Daydream About Robbing?

PSA: If you strain this hard during your Deuce you will blow an O-ring.

Hey, this is international relations, buddy. This is above-the-fold stuff. Get your priorities straight.

people need to see this

And now for a ridiculously dumb story that you shouldn’t bother reading:

Seems the Park Service found a photo that proves otherwise.

I think the part that everyone is dancing around is that obviously, he’s very talented at baseball. So much that assuming he does get drafted, he’s probably going to make a lot of money over his career. So how do we square that with what he did? In the eyes of the law, he’s paid his debt to society. But we all know…