I used pliers to zip my sister’s jeans, while she was flat on her back. Aahhh, those were the days..........

I still get a little thrill when the doctors ask when my last period was, and I can say 8 years ago. Fuck the printing press, continual birth control is humanity’s greatest invention.

If you’re in my house (I’m under the age of 60) who still has 2 VCRs, it’s for one reason only.

Agree. Only menopause is freedom. This commercial depicts the early stages of hell wearing rose-colored pads.

my menopause is playing with my heart and soul. two months blood free and i’m yelling to the world: “IT’S OVER! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I’M FREE AT LAST”...and then boom, it’s back. i shall bleed forever i guess (hangs head in resignation)...

Tell us how you really feel !

If you’re in somebody’s house who is under the age of 60 who still has a VCR, it’s for one reason only.

It feels like someone tossed a cleaver into your lower abdomen from a relatively close distance and began twisting it clockwise, then counter-clockwise, along with the accompanying ever present fear that you’re leaving a trail of gore where ever you roam. 4 Advil? Don’t mind if I do!

He can’t handle the Ruth.

I just want to hang out with her and Kate. I mean is that really too much to ask?

NO. THEY ARE BABY CATS. THEREFORE, THEY ARE KITTENS. PURR PURR PURR. KITTENS.

I prefer the birth of the side eye myself:

It also takes REALLY fantastic genes

Please refer to Carrie Fisher’s dog with his given name, Gary Fisher. Thank you.

Ugh, I’m sorry. York is the worst in terms of getting anywhere AND the food options are limited. Here’s hoping the 2nd avenue line finally gets built (I know it’s technically under construction but since they’ve been talking about it since I was born I have my doubts). And double hoping that this is the first and last…

I’m gonna go back to that poll and change my vote to meteor 2016.

Ahhhh, the ol’ “Hackensack Hello”

I demand a buddy comedy starring Jones and Siriano as roommates waiting out the zombie apocalypse.

“her first job (at Contempo Casuals!)”