Would murder be a crime if you didn’t go through with it? I don’t feel comfortable charging people with conspiracy to murder.

The whole point of the justice system is that they look at the facts of every single case.

Luckily, you weren’t on the jury.

Trump is Gil Gunderson? That... makes sense.

A friend of a friend is a Republican staffer who works in the White House. Apparently, Trump genuinely believed (and refused to believe staffers when they told him it wasn’t true) that Mexico is in South America.

Exactly. The number of times he referenced his own interests vs. those of the American people shows you exactly what kind of president he is.

We’re going to need a bigger bag.

At this point, the right wing has successfully tagged liberals and anyone else who disagrees with him with the stereotype of the wealthy elitist. We’re at the point where a real estate billionaire from New York and his hirelings can accuse others of being elites. Yikes.

I would have recorded it on my phone and shouted “Worldstar! Worldstar!”

I don’t see the big deal. Baron Trump is 12-years-old and I don’t think The Donald has ever met him.

I get the “stay on point” message, but I am capable of holding more than one or two things in my mind at a time. Just because 45 did this fuckup doesn’t mean I automatically forget about the other fuckups he did. Perpatuating this stance only reinforces the message that “yes, we really are as dumb as they think we…

Patrick has been fired for not referencing the extensive real-world history of ballistas being used to kill flame-breathing magical lizards the size of 747s.

Well then, I’m sure that you know, as a nurse, how inappropriate and disgusting it is to speculate on a patient that you haven’t interviewed or examined. And how if you had, you couldn’t talk about it. And as a nurse, in the medical profession, how inappropriate it is to call someone a liar. If you were a rando…

“Honestly, yeah it’s terrible,” Paul said about his neighbors’ complaints. “It’s a bad situation. No, I feel bad for them, for sure. There’s nothing we can do, though. The Jake Paulers [Paul’s fans] are the strongest army out there. Dab.” And then he dabbed.

YouTube “influencer”? I didnt think we could come up with a more pretentious job title than “sandwhich artist”.

I was this close to exposing that guy until you published this article.

“Dude, a person I don’t know, don’t know the name of and don’t know where she works sent me an email about a meeting so obviously I have to go! Duh!”

Donald Trump Jr: “Well, sure, I robbed the bank, but it turned out it wasn’t payroll day, so it wasn’t even worth taking the money. Such a nothing.”