I propose David Letterman for the first one.

OMFG, the helicopter (s) are hovering like annoying mosquitos above my house for over an hour and a half now. Good for bovine puns, but otherwise come on, guys, is this a slow news day or what?

For me it will always be this, the one and only time I was up all night shivering—even though its TV, not a film.

More than 50? How is he still alive?

Attention, you can get it from airline seats! Happened to me this summer, and it was a horror show by the time I realized my rash was from lice bites, not sunburn.

Sadly it will be 2020. I will celebrate when the time comes, if I haven’t already popped a blood vessel over traffic on the BQE.

Came for this, was severely disappointed.

After eating, see:

It’s not always like that. I had to put our much younger cat down because he was going blind from a brain tumor and suffering kidney failure and peeing everywhere. I was expecting what your mom experienced, but the vet gave him a sedative first and he was purring in my arms as he went to sleep. So I’m glad I did it…

Isn’t that a job requirement at Fox?

#PreyforHouston

+1 GIF

I protest this phenomenon if only because it would deprive us of this:

There’s a whole language of car honks in New York, no?

Inspired by satirists like Stephen Colbert, Montgomery is interested in how effective parody might be as a tool to combat bad science.

It is obligatory to laugh at Snarglebutt.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FJOB56O/ref=gbps_img_m-3_62d6_dbdbbfa5?pf_rd_p=ffcb75c7-e01d-4198-b44a-8ee857d262d6&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_i=14611812011&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=KTZ2Q4EPTWVVBFSWMAX7

I”m thinking yes?

I don’t give a shit about your parking problems. Just don’t be one of those tools who moves their car to my block because “it’s closer to the subway” or I will fucking end you.