I want to frame this comment and put it above my co-worker’s desk. The one who always gets put in charge of training new people, but fucks off on Youtube all day and doesn’t get shit done, leaving it all for other people to do instead?

David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jets

Alternative headline:

Scene opens: A man, blonde, not too closely removed from an athletic life sips a bourbon out of a highball glass.

the best part about the cleveland browns is we all eventually die

Guy’s been getting stymied his whole career!

Probably the Olympics.

Sure, the Buss brothers don’t seem very competent or well-liked, but, if you get to know them, they are actually incompetent and disliked.

“Van Helsing staked pain in me.” - Dracula

Debut Album tracklist:

That Hanzal is so hot right now.

Looks like it’s Famine time in the Feaster household

Not the angle: Ryan Reynolds doesn’t deserve his success.

getting into the oxmerkin business takes balls - nearly every situation is a hairy one, its seriously nuts.

Meanwhile, LHS noseguard Alex Oxmerkin has yet to see the limelight or the light of day.

Just look at the good Americans she beat out. They are literally starving.

Tom Brady shouldn’t sit on his opinions. Stay in his lane? No longer an option. If he still supports DT, he needs to lay down or play dead; no matter how fetch he looks in those Uggs, people won’t stand on their hind legs for it long term.

True story. I once dumped a girl because her favorite cracker was a Triscuit. I couldn’t look her in the eye after learning this. Well that and she fucked my roommate. I still get bitter and angry about it all these years later. Triscuits? How could she have been such a bad person?

It’s okay. The Lakers are young and exciting and the Yankees are always pretty good; but damn, sorry about bama.

Jimmy Fallon.