My divorce will be finalized in the next month and I will be celebrating with some damned good champagne. Maybe a French 75 or two. It would be a shame to waste good champagne.

This is a fun column and also I live in LA and volunteer as tribute to be your date any time (because open bars are the best and there is nothing better than a million free appetizers instead of a full meal).

I was once crying so hard in gym (maybe 4th grade) that I actually ran into the wall and got a bloody nose as I was trying to flee to the library*. I couldn’t tell you exactly why I was crying except that there was a group of boys who bullied/teased me all through elementary school and I’m sure they’re the reason I…

See, this is the inherent problem with heterosexual hookups. You’re all hung up on “beds” and “Apartments”. Do your bars not have bathrooms?

I don’t know if I could pick the meanest one, there are too many. My dad (the comments about my weight were the hardest as a kid), mother, grandmother, aunts, all like to make comments about my clothing, hair, tattoos, weight, etc. Their fascination with women having long hair and being “dainty” (Bitches it’s never…

My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

“Boys don’t like fatties.” My mom told me that about a thousand times. Guess what? Boys like me fine.

I have been seeing this guy on the internet almost daily for god knows how long and the thought that he talks has never even crossed my mind until you posted this.

this is the best fucking thread

My thirteenth birthday. New school. I had invited a bunch of girls over for a party in an attempt to integrate. Unbeknownst to me my Mother had received some live Maine lobsters for dinner. As I was coming down the stairs with my new “friends” good old Mom playfully pranked me by suddenly reaching around the stairwall…

Got really super shitty feedback from a professor (not my advisor), held it together, cried at home. Met with my advisor three days later and she said “Yeah, it was a little harsh, but luckily you’re so put together, you know your worth, so stuff like that just rolls off your back”. Promptly burst into tears again.

My Polish boyfriend’s family has a very sweet Christmas Eve tradition where, before they eat dinner, everyone goes around the table to everyone else and singularly wishes them well for the holiday and the new year. This was new for me so I was a little teary from the get. So his 7-year-old nephew got to me and said,…

I can’t even answer this question there are too many times I embarrassed myself crying that even reading the headline freaked me out.

The first time I remember breaking into tears at a very inopportune moment was probably when I was 10. At school. I don’t even remember what set me off

Jason Aldean only recently figured out that the term “bro-country” is not a compliment. He also thought that if he denied an affair with Brandy Kerr (the blonde in the photos) despite photos of her all over him at various concerts and clubs, then married her before the ink was dry on his divorce papers, people would…

I wish Winslet and others who want to refrain from this “vulgar” money talk could see that the only reason anyone wants to take about the pay gap in movies is because it’s a vivid reflection of the very real pay gap in the rest of the world.

This sounds similar to a sighting my boss and I had at Gus’s B-B-Q in South Pasadena. We were seated with my back to the door and my boss facing it. Suddenly my boss’s eyes bug out and he whispers, “Hey! That’s the guy who killed that woman!” I froze up and said, “Who, O.J.?” “No, the other guy!” I was about to say…

I used to live in Santa Monica, California and there’s this place called Bay Cities Deli on Lincoln Blvd that has the best freakin’ sandwiches EVER! I’m not kidding - if you try to go during lunchtime to get one, good luck. You’ll have anywhere between 30-40 people in front of you, but I digress.

I started well in advance of their suggestion, then, if I ever do get one :D

Too bad my ass is already fabulously big and round. What other excuse can I use to get my fat sucked out? Does the whole thing with pumping it into the tits have a lasting result? Or is that whole procedure a *puts on shades* bust?

If you use the phrase “sneak peak” on Twitter, an account called Stealth Mountain automatically responds to you and corrects you. It's kind of funny.