You can send my therapy dog to me c/o Willy St. Co-op as soon as I am able to return to The People’s Republic of Madison.

UW and the businesses it spins off are quite literally the only thing Wisconsin has going for it. The state is otherwise fucked eight ways from Sunday, and the mercantilist fantasies that Trump sold the drunken inhabitants of places like Janesville and Appleton don’t have a prayer of coming true.

I couldn’t tell if that was an intentional joke or not and so have been sitting here waffling about whether to expose myself for the Soundgarden pedant that I am.

“...Black Hole Son...”

“... and when I hung up the phone it occurred to me, my boy was just like me yeah, my boy was just like me...

I was going to write out a long retort but then I realized I didn’t need so many words.

When the Shame Stands Tall  

Who the fuck rights ‘BTW’ in a pre-massacre screed? Can you please take yourself a little more seriously when carrying out Holy War?

So wait, is he saying they are weak or not weak?

Literally brought tears to my eyes. I am so grateful and excited myself. Not only do I absolutely trust your artistic expertise @cummy-eyelids but I also feel my body part (yes an actual piece of me) could not be in more capable hands. I know you will respect and care for my little piggy. I appreciate this more than…

That breakup is so real. You don’t want to be with the person anymore but you don’t want to be without them either. And unlike other breakups where you have anger or even shock to distract you, you’re just left feeling empty. I feel like you also get less support in breakups like that because people will just say…

This is one of two reasons I finally bought a cell phone........at the age of 47. First I was travelling for work and second: I predictably lose my shit when my guy shops with me. He’s not a tiny guy but he can slip away and disappear to the other end of a store in the wink of an eye. No more. Our phones are ALWAYS…

I lost my wife in a CVS for a good 10 minutes. It’s why I refuse to separate in any store. I don’t want to spend forever trying to track a person because they thought it would be quicker to split up.

You’re the neediest sociopath ever.

I actually prefer to think that Lindsay Lohan is a low-grade Instagram troll and just forgot to switch between her troll account and her Lohan official account.

The penis actually has no nerve endings, it’s sensitivity is a myth.

Very skeptical that as many as 25% of bus company employees are “in it” for the simple joy of transporting children to school.

You mean the year Obama steps down and Trump officially becomes president of the US?

oh god the tweet where he says he’d rather do it on the popular vote not the electoral college and that he’d have a better chance of winning..

“If you are a parent you will understand that my wife and I are too irresponsible and lazy to scoop our cat’s litterbox, and we don’t care enough to pay someone to do it for us. We actually don’t regard the cat as something that needs our care to survive. Sorry.”