Please let this be the toilet he dies on.

You might well be able to order food online and pay with Bitcoin, depending on where you live.

So his ‘tip’ is that bathing in hot water is relaxing? Is there a single person, anywhere in the world, who isn’t already aware of that?

Better yet, some good old fashioned barbiturates if you can lay your hands on some. 

Give me your tired, your poor, / Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free / The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. / Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, / And I’ll give them a few months to get their affairs in order...

So what is the answer?

This footage is like watching a someone doing a evil character playthrough of a Bethesda RPG.

I’ll just fast-forward to that bit then. It sounds like a fever dream.

Ohhh, it’s a thing. Well now I feel foolish. I’m sure I could still see it, but you’re right that torrenting it now won’t help turn it into a franchise.

...but my bet is this is someone distinctly human.

Need him to play a confederate soldier on Mars who can jump 50 feet in the air?

It absolutely is. This past Christmas I kept removing it from the Sonos playlist at my office because it makes me feel physically sick.

He is #MeToo - his victims coming forward was one of the things that got the current movement started. It’s more complicated than that of course, but in a sense he’s ground fucking zero for the whole thing. “Don’t put me in...” - ffs.

There are all kinds of people, so the idea that some people would privately think he is innocent isn’t surprising to me. But the fact that enough people are prepared to come out and be seen at one of his shows - in other words to publicly say “fuck you” to his victims - is really goddamn depressing. 

Jeez, imagine if that was your job.

I worked at a chain record store in the mid 2000s and the the Killer’s ‘Mr. Brightside’ is probably the one song most likely to send me into a fugue state if I hear it now.

There’s a line from Zac’s stand up which goes “when you look I do... [long stare]... it’s hard to get a table for one at Chuck E. Cheese.”

I was thinking more of The Sixth Sense, but sure, that too.

Maybe, in a shocking twist, you’ve been dead the whole time.

Hard pass.