He's just warning them up for Chevy Chase.

Well, Louis [C.K.] and Roseanne [Barr] are the two people I know. And Roseanne was so broken up [after her show’s reboot was cancelled] that I got Louis to call her, even though Roseanne was very hard on Louis before that. But she was just so broken and just crying constantly. There are very few people that have…

To that point, he says he’s “happy the #MeToo movement has slowed down a little bit...

Makes more sense in French, apparently.

It should be required now that whenever an article is posted about Sam Darnold, a Magary reference should be a top-three comment. No exceptions.

What an easy gig. The bar for success for all Jets quarterbacks after Sanchez is set at “Avoid running into your own lineman's butt, resulting in a fumble returned by the other team for a touchdown."

Pictured: Direct TV versus Basic Cable Sam Darnold.

Ever felt the urge to leave town but weird circumstances never allowed it?

Look at his horse, though

Even the US military has largely dropped the sort of attrition-selection system it used in past decades. The whole “breaking and rebuilding” thing remains in pop culture, but in reality it went out with the draft; modern training practices are all about recruit candidate selection and soldiers’ skill development. As…

Besides Wonder Woman, DC needs to pretend the other movies never happened, cancel Aquaman and just start the whole thing over. It’s too tainted as this point. People gladly go back and watch Iron Man. No one’s gladly going back to rewatch the cinematic abortion known as bvs 

Are reviews even necessary for this one? I mean, either they had you at “Jason Statham and a giant shark” or they didn’t. This was also pretty much my decision-making process for “Liv Tyler, Bruce Willis, Billy Bob, et al. and a giant asteroid” 20 years ago (wait..... 20?..... that can’t be right, can it?) 

Every one even peripherally-related to the admin should probably just go ahead and kill themselves asap. We got the point, it was fun lark, but the cleanup is looking daunting enough as it is. So just. shoo.

It’s going to be hard for him to realize that when literally every text he gets from anybody is someone trying to avoid him. He doesn’t know what a text from someone happy to talk to him would even look like.

On the other hand, let alt right rape apologist racist Nazi shitheads bitch and moan all they want. Ignore their sabotage. Cernovich thinks it isn’t rape unless the woman fights you off. He helped create Pizzagate before he popularized this. Don’t give in to monsters trying to excuse their own horrific behavior. They…

I’m creating a petition for Batista to leave GotG and just make a movie where it’s just him punching a sea of Nazis. Also, it’s not just a movie, it’s a documentary.

I love that, in trying to avoid controversy, Disney created an even bigger clusterfuck. Maybe don’t listen to disingenuous alt-right shitheads next time. Their opinions are trash.

If you want to have an argument, you need to pay first.

Yeah, it was made clear on more than one occasion that it was definitely psychosomatic, most dramatically in the scene where Chuck is testifying with a battery in his pocket.