Every time I think I want plastic surgery I watch an episode of “Botched.” OMG. It makes me look at my (very) real body and thank it for being real every single time.

Honestly, the state of his penis is not even the first thing I would worry about when letting a complete stranger (it did say they met on the internet, didn’t it?) blindfold me. I mean, sure, it could be small/weird/rotting off. But that person could also a) strangle you, b) stab you, c) hit you, d) film you, e) rob…

lol wut? the defendant fabricated an entire identity to prey on the body of this woman who was not interested in her as a sexual partner on face basis.

Those two months contain Christmas, and there’s always Florida...

I think it’s considered rape, because she would never have consented to having sex with this chick wearing a dick. It’s similar to when some rando fucks someone’s wife in the dark, pretending to be her husband.

because when a dude wants to commit sexual assault, he sees the sign that says “women’s restroom” and says “Whoa! can’t go in there!”

Dammit, why isn’t “thou shalt not suffer an idiot to live” more of a thing?

Off-Topic but it needs to be said: Judge Gail Standish is a bona fide bad-ass. From her bio:

Same. I’m glad DCFS is working for the best interests of the child and not some religious fanatic.

How my face looked while reading this article.

It’s to make sure that you read the whole thing in Dolores Umbridge’s voice, but she doesn’t realize that you need to set the tone at the beginning.

The best I can say is this. When you get monied entitled parents together, forget it. Everything you can imagine about non-vaccinated vegan kids who have three nannies is true. I have seen celeb parents too fucked up to recognize thier kids. Parents who refuse to acknowledge their children’s diagnoses because they…

If you’re h.a.p.p.y. and you know it punch a d.u.c.k.

To me, it seems that Renae-Plant types are quite common among self-founded non-profits, schools and small business. You have to be a little crazy to pour all your money and time into a venture in the first place, and once you do, any criticism, anything less than total, unquestioning obedience becomes VERY PERSONAL.

Deklan? Livinio? Aurelia?

I don’t know how to insert a picture of one tweet but...seriously??

Her demands that parents not have any “group meetings” has a delightfully Umbridge-esque quality to it. If she determines that anyone has attended a “group parent meeting”, then their child is expelled? So... no socializing with anyone from school? Or, you can have that BBQ but must awkward refrain from discussing…

Only marginally better than the time Anakin Skywalker opened a Montessori school.

I believe this is the first time I’ve ever seen the phrase “a wave of toddler purges.”