Don’t worry. Everybody will assume she’s a typical rude-ass American, anyway. That is our gift to you, our Northern Brothers.

First, as a Canadian, I want to apologize on my country’s behalf for the terrible things she said. I am very, very sorry.

I rarely say this about people. But she deserves all the bad karma that is heading her way right now. That video was so mean and vicious, it actually made me cry. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. And like so many women with the disease, I struggle with my weight. It’s like I woke up in a different body. I went from…

This seems less a race to be elected president and more a race to be elected king of the dipshits.

Preach. A neighbor once did the whole “If you could live in another time, when would it be?” question as an ice breaker. Predictably, he (of course, he) said he would want to go to the 1920s. I bit my tongue to keep from asking if he meant pre or post October 1929. Obviously he wants to go to fictional Gatsby 1920s. I…

Maybe I’m just not a romantic, but there’s no time period I’d rather live in than this one. Or maybe the future. But right now we have disposable tampons, birth control, antibiotics, air conditioning, divorce laws, safe abortions (where available) and surviveable c-sections. I’m a cynic and I bitch a lot about what…

Hey man, leave us out of this. *breaks into bakery, eats all the pies*

maybe she tried to, but was overcome with the vapors?

In the meantime, Henrietta Lacks’ author Rebecca Skloot responded to the controversy on Facebook, saying that Sims has “confused gynecology with pornography.”

Yo lady it called anatomy and physiology and biology, but not parnography

The fact that this woman apparently gets off to descriptions of cancer and STIs is way more than I need to know about her weird kinks.

Shark! The herald angels sing

You’re so sceptical. Obviously the dolphins form a sacred circle around the labouring woman, preventing the blood-crazed sharks from getting near her or the baby, and they are rewarded with the gift of the placenta. I’m going to have all my babies that way.

I’m a freaking hippie. I’m a home birthing, long term breast feeding, make my own organic baby food, hemp cloth diapering hippie..... And you know what all I want to ask this latest “I’m gonna birth in the ocean with dolphins” couple is “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS????!!!!!!!”

Best headline ever. But - in the interest of dolphinization - what if my midwife is an anthropomorphic dolphin who speaks English in a high-pitched squeak and walks upright on its tail and wears, like, a sexy nurse uniform? That’s still safe, right?

Local cat is all “I brought the kid dead mice, why is nobody giving me accolades for trying to feed him solids? He’s two! He can handle it!”

Shades of Romulus and Remus.

I hope someone adopts both the child and the dog. Poor baby, I can’t believe the mother wasn’t arrested. What a good dog. Probably was just like “No ones gonna feed this human puppy? You should be ashamed of yourselves” lays down to feed the human puppy.

Jesus Fucking horatio Christ. I just had to fight off a wave of nauseated repulsion. Unrapeable? As if that wasn’t bad enough, accusing them of trying to scam money out of poor old man Cosby is the most morally reprehensible thing I’ve seen today. The fact that I can’t even say “all week” just shows how awful things…