Carson Wentz will win Super Bowl MVP this year, fuck you.

Oh yeah? what did your roster end up looking like? Just kidding. No one gives a fuck.

“How dare you sit there and blame white people for the problems of the minority communities. After all, aren’t you half white? Didn’t two white parents adopt you, after yours weren’t willing to raise you?!”

He didn’t say it. A lot of people were saying it.

There’s a level on which my favorite part of this is the official press release containing the sentence “We are not screwing around, Philly.”

What are the odds he takes a shortcut and becomes a policeman?

I’m more or less neutral on Jackson. He wasn’t awful, but he wasn’t amazing either. He didn’t make me turn my tv to ESPN, but he didn’t make me turn away, either.

If you don't vote for doormat salesman, fuck you.

Actually, sharks are cartilaginous, not boned.

Were you the guy standing behind me at the DMV today? Longest 10 minute wait of my life.

I’LL SEE YOU IN HELL

Pierre-Paul had one sack and 26 tackles in eight games played, but insists he’ll improve upon that.

Why must you turn this comment section into a house of lies?

Well, at least it’s not the worst thing to fall out of a Bengal’s pickup truck.

What if teams could stockpile penalty yardage and cash it in later in the game? You could have a 4th-and-long in the fourth quarter and then redeem your 15-yard personal foul from the first quarter. I feel like most Head Coaches’ heads would explode.

This motherfucker is so corny I swear Congress is gonna subsidize him in the next farm bill.

Hi—I’d like you to explain the implicit logic behind the argument in this bad internet comment. You seem to be saying that rather than looking into whether stories are true or not, we should just take people at their word and run what they say. Is that what you’re saying? If so, what made you arrive at this position?…

“Yeah yeah, limited lifetime warranty. It protects against stains...ants...uh..like buffalo.”
“Did you say buffalo?”
“Please, Mr. York, I really need this sale!”