Christ on a feckin’ cracker, Celine Dion is a hugely successful woman and should never be described as some man’s heiress (which also seemed to make light of his death and her very public pain relating to processing it).

In the aftermath of the Trump Ascendancy, I attended a rally hosted by Our Revolution and headlined by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. Elizabeth was a ball of refocused energy - she talked in a combination of campaign-speech rhetoric and specific policy points. (I’ve seen her speak a few other times as well - and…

Sure, when you are a woman and do this, it’s larceny, but when you are a male priest or the like and do the same thing - using a belief to justify being given money - it’s “donations” or tithes to the church.

Yeah, but in his defense, he was working pro-boner work, so

“Let us explain: In the late 1800s, [white, male youts with a few dollars] were [allowed to be] heavily involved in politics”

“Ohioan Curt Handshug” sounds like a firm, short handjob you give your boyfriend after he forgot to look both ways before crossing the road and nearly stepped into traffic and you want to yell at him, but you’re happy he’s alive so handjob.

Well, he would not have just stood there clothed.

When I was small and still passed for Catholic, the priest asked all children to come forward and sit with him near the altar, as it was Children’s Sunday or something. “And Jesus said, ‘You shall suffer the little children to come to me’” and whatnot. We all shyly stumbled forward. I swear my legs and arms grew out…

They should just claim it’s a gun. Cuz then they’ll be given $5,000 and people will be clamoring to arm marching bands.

Please do keep the oopsie “skrong”—I like it. It conveys that the sentences written can be said through gritted teeth, which is what I was doing reading this verdict.

His supporters are pretty concerned about their right to bare arms.

“When I texted my intern ‘what r u wearing ;-)?’ I was just ensuring dress code compliance.”

The ad also gave pretty good advice.

Crosswhite?

And don’t take that to mean the other 9% weren’t raped. That rate is close to the infertility rate in women and I’m sure some of their bodies were so stressed that they spontaneously aborted. :-(

Eye of the beeholder*

She replied, helpfully, “Oh, maybe it had mold in it.”

Not at junior prom, but after... I got so drunk after prom when I went to my friend’s house party because I was drinking for two that night (my friend had never taken shots before and was afraid so I took them for her). Fast forward to going from rip-roaring drunk and feeling like a god to passing out with a hurl…

Guess you could say they've gone in two directions

JULIET (gesturing to the recently deceased ROMEO): O, happy dagger! Tonight we dine in hell!"