I went to Penn with Donnie. He dated a friend of mine. He is probably an alcoholic. Or at least he used to have a drinking problem. He’d constantly pee in my friend’s bed like a puppy with a bladder infection. He also used to start fights and was in the meatiest of frapeternities. I felt sorry for him. He was all slop…

You are very smart and good.

The clap? Yes.

Martin S. is my favorite über-driver.

In France when very young I stayed in a hotel in Biarritz that had once served as the summer home of Josephine. I retained little memory of this experience until last year when a house guest gave me Cire Trudon’s Solis Rex candle. I lit and smelled it and was made suddenly aware of certain profound youthful French…

Your handle name gives me hope for humanity.

Yes. Also when emailing my mother.

I meant to add a cheerful emoticon after my comment to you, implying that your comment was a good one. ;) :0 :$

Self-deprecation is sometimes funny. “Self-depreciation” is not.

You get points for being in Dubai.

Gamey? Like, a red-headed person smells like a cooked deer that, before being shot, expended all its glycogen reserves thus altering its pH levels and therefore its flavor?

More importantly, I’ve decided to go as thataintpeeitssquirt for Halloween.

Thank you for such a thought provoking response.

Yikes. I’ve been teaching English/Fiction at the graduate level in the Ivy League for the past six years. So you’re right. My eighth grade skills are a little rusty. I’ll try to write at a level you’re comfortable with going forward.

I meant to respond to the article as a whole. I am sorry. But I like your response anyway. So reasonable. What are we, adults? Maybe the internet really is an open yard for well intentioned human beings. I’m going to go back to taking photos of my dog pooping in my actual yard. This is all far too civilized for me.

Smell like what? A good time? ‘Cause I smell like the time of your life.

Extremely well done.

If I’m a man and only attracted to women, am I a genderist?

I am a 1/2 black 1/2 white person. I have loved and been attracted to many white people. But in my sexual statistical history, if one was to do a nuanced tally, it would appear I physically (and likely emotionally) respond better to black people.

Until your post, I’d never heard any of Joni’s synth-y music. You wrote with enough conviction to convince me to listen. I genuinely thank you.