Hustling Monks would be an awesome band name.

I have a solution. You pour yourself a drink, I’ll pour myself a drink and we can just call each other cockgerbils on the internet. This eliminates my need to put on a bra and leave the house.

I’m kind of sad I’m working from home. I may have to go out for drinks so I can use it.

As a connoisseur of cursing, I am immediately adding cockgerbil to my vocabulary.

NO. Whoever is voting for TOP CHEF is a goddamn monster. Or voting differently than me this round. GODDAMN IT IT IS ALL SO CONFUSING.

How is Judge Judy losing?

Corbett—who’s neither cut his hair nor grown an upper lip since the first film—enters every room with a line that equates to “It is me, John Corbett. I am here now.”

I had to read it three times before it flipped in my head to cock-gerbil instead of cockger-bil, but yes

All the stars for “cockgerbil.”

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ROBERT JFC

“No bunny knows the troubles I’ve seen..”

Dear Bride,

I’m going to say something that is super unpopular, but I think things like this really matter. I had a good friend growing up who was a touring musician from mid-elementary school on (she was a prodigy, her dad was a moderately successful musician). She still went to regular school, but she had a professional life…

The Larry Sanders Show had that skin crawling awkwardness that Curb Your Enthusiasm mined later.

“This is the theme to Garry’s show, the closing theme to Garry’s show...”

Came here to say that. From musicians to actors to comedians, this year has been unkind. We have to face the fact that the boomers are starting to shuffle off this mortal coil.

I’m thinking that on March 11 there was an incident and the caretaker was let go. Then, pissed off, she remembered 22 years of poor treatment and decided to file a lawsuit.

I guess they've never heard of bootstraps in St. Olaf.

And how the hell IS Shannon Beador?! Shannon Beador is not a quitter! Shannon Beador is nobody’s fool. Shannon Beador WILL NOT BE IGNORED! (Hear that, David?)

Because people will watch. *I* WILL WATCH, GODAMNIT! And I am not ashamed!