...good for blowing your load AND loading your blow.

“You know what? Fuck Socrates. Socrates was a fucking douchebag.” - Plato.

Did you see how he turned it around on you? Betcha didn’t see that coming! Note, I tried it in court once and it didn’t really get traction. “No, Mr. District Attorney, you’re the murderer!”

“Y’know, not everything is a goddam Oscar Wilde quote.”

The problem with all of these is that they are actually Oscar Wilde quotes.

To my knowledge, Melania has nothing to be ashamed of, except for having married Trump.

Birth control should be fucking free, period.

But it must be true! Max just typed it on the internet.

You’re talking out your ass. I’m at a research university in the US and what you say couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I beg to differ. When you pay for it it is in fact, yours ;) ;)

I’m so mad Breitbart will shut down before people start calling it Breitbort.

They’re usually grey and we have the dismiss button, but Gawker commentariat does seem more hostile than usual lately. Especially what it comes to sexual assault, gun control or Hillary Clinton.

I hope that someday, before I die, presidential debates in this country are something I look forward to with interest and enthusiasm, instead of avoid with disgust and revulsion.

This debate is in Flint. You know, the city with all the poisoned children because the governor of the state wanted to save a little bit of money by trying to switch the towns drinking water without giving a fuck about what it would do to the pipes. So, no, it’s not really about money. If you wanted to be cynical, you…

Hey Jezzies, whatcha drinking? I’m having a Krakow Kitty. I refuse to refer to a drink this delicious as a Moscow Mule, being a Pole and all, so Krakow Kitty it is! I finished all of the work for my class, and got 399.31 out of 400 points. Professor is rounding it up to 100%, not that it matters, because an A is an A.…

His tweet is fucking perfect! It’s hilarious that the same party talking about the size of their ding-dongs during a presidential debate thinks hip-hop is a symbol of America’s moral corruption.

This election has become the most horrible reality show ever. As far as i’m concerned, everyone on that stage is The Biggest Loser. All we can do is hope to be Survivors if any of them get elected. Otherwise it will be an Amazing Race to the Canadian border to get away from Big Brother.

Fixed it for you!

Jesus Christ there’s another one?

Starred for “assassin American”. I’m stealing this typo :D