Irsay: we partyin or waht

Jimmy Haslam: *continues typing on a calculator thinking he’s sending a text*

We get it, Texas, you love oil.

Or “Kevin Hart to replace Tyrese Gibson in Fast and Furious franchise”

Scott Eastwood put in a worse performance than that CGI vault in the fifth one.

Tyrese’s importance to the F&F series is somewhere below that of a modified Subaru.

You could have just titled this “Tyrese Gibson quits Fast and Furious franchise”

Sorry To inform you Sean: You have been traded to the Jets

can’t get hurt too badly if you’re riding the bench

A super bowl champion millionaire.

Update: He has already thrown an interception in the game, which will be played Sunday at 1:00pm EST.

We already did, and Sinbad was in it

Does this mean we finally get that Kazaam sequel we’ve all been waiting for?!

You joke, but this is a godsend for those of us trapped under a pile of fallen newspapers.

Are you homeless and/or Jim Tomusula? Who the fuck brings a cup of soup to a bar?

Oh come on, nobody believes you’ve got friends.

Trap game. My team is now a real team’s potential trap game. I was an idiot for thinking they might be good this year.

Posting about Johnny Carson at midnight on the east coast? Isn’t it past your bedtime, grandpa?

You need to try associative training.

Whenever you crave sugar, drop a kettlebell on your foot.

Soon you’ll stop craving kettlebells!