I didn’t draft any of those players? Should I start my Half-elf warlock instead?

It would seem you do not understand the true meaning of a celly. It is simultaneously more and less than a standard celebration. The celly and its beauty will never be understood by somebody who has never dangled, sniped, or sauced.

Hockey slang might be my favorite slang because it’s the weird mix of California surf-dude and Canadian wholesomeness. I will never disapprove of it in any form.

I don’t want to know how many Americans found this on accident by Googling “Kaepernick Lynch.”

You have to hand it to Marshawn for telling it like it is. Passing him over isn’t a sound strategy.

Jokes on you Josh Pauls! Coach Tortorella would have benched you for not standing for the National Anthem.

Cooking shows and cookbooks grossly underestimate the cooking time and simplicity of nearly every recipe. On TV, your average chef is working in a spacious, spotless kitchen, with all necessary tools nearby (no busting out the blender from the attic because there’s no cabinet space), and every onion and clove of…

Don’t be so sure

Yeah I’m sure he’s going to have a hell of an awful time finding some grade A piece of tail to scrump tonight.

Defending Roman Polanski: -4,752.14

Dating a person of another race: + 3,577.22

This stuff is de rigueur. In my experience, action at camp is always in tents.

The Browns will also destroy the cardboard box of the homeless man who told them to draft Johnny Manziel.

“The Browns, at No. 2...”

Upon further research, my facts might be off.

Don’t these asswipes own Aston Villa, too?

Yes, agreed. My personal rule of thumb is to only kick women sober enough to really feel it, you know?

How badly was Tony Romo injured in this skirmish?

Who said that? Besides you I mean.

Jerry needs to remind the players not to wear their jerseys while they’re beating women.