There simply weren’t enough tits in Robocop.

Those jerks tried to circle him looking all hard, but his vigorous pumping and spraying all over the place got them off as fast as possible.

This is why I don’t like carpooling.

If I remember back to biology class, sometimes when two wheels get together, sometimes the undesirable traits match up and low and behold something new is born.

Man, the bank REALLY doesn’t wanna give Falcon a loan.

Looking through old Sears catalogues from the ‘70s and what we forced kids to wear back then, it’s no wonder so many of them grew up jaded. When your pants look like a clown stole them from an Umpa-Loompa and then your mom found them at a Salvation Army and patched the holes, you’d turn out pretty cynical as well.

This is why Ivanka isn’t an attractive woman.  Yes, she has the physical characteristics that might make someone attractive ... but she’s an awful person, and therefore is not attractive in the slightest.

What’s keeping me from shitting all over this dealership?

Depends.

If drivers would just understand they’re not supposed to see the flank of their own car in the mirror, blind spots could be virtually eliminated when using regular mirrors. Lean your head to the center of the interior and adjust the mirrors from there to just glimpse the flank. When you go back to normal seating…

Get this un-American drivel off Jalopnik. We all know AR-15 is the only right answer.

Maybe it really is time we stop giving white people who seek to weaponize the police against Black people cutesy little nicknames like “BBQ Becky” or “Central Park Karen.”

Everybody likes my salty nuts.  They taste like cashews.

broke: 30 second Super Bowl Commercials
woke: 2 week long ARGs that culminate in a 60 second, $25 million ad where a “beloved” brand mascot comes back with a new coat of CGI paint and a more affordable celeb voiceover

An STI engine swap would, of course, be neat but I’m just happy with the blue lighting if I’m honest.

I would think shaking a person with a medical emergency would be the last thing you would want to do.

Damn those pants are super tight , there is no way I would fit into them unless…
I better shape up.

Plot twist, this was all an elaborate scheme by Elway to kill Joe’s career for good after the mile high miracle in 2012. 

Meanwhile, I’d just like to remind people what it was like to have a GOAT who could genuinely laugh at himself:

God, I don’t even have one dick growing out of my forehead.

Okay, but what are your thoughts on crystal tits?