I’m so jealous I’M about to cry!  Even if it wasn’t good, the anecdotal value alone!

Oh god, I know! I can’t count the number of times I heard the “other” f-word slur in regards to all of them, but especially Nick Rhodes since he wore a lot of makeup. I also got a ton of shit for my crush on David Sylvian of arty band Japan.

The latter. I have no idea why they thought I was serious, especially because it was pretty big news at the time that he’d gotten engaged to a model named (IIRC) Renee Simonsen.

This poor dog looked like an outtake from Annihilation. I want to be amused by the World’s Ugliest Dog, but the whole overbreeding thing is horrifying.

When I was a kid, the local drugstore had a counter of costume jewelry, including a ring with huge triangular cubic zirconias, and I wanted it so badly that I asked for it for Christmas. Upon receiving it, I put it on and went to school and told everyone I had gotten engaged to John Taylor, the bassist for Duran Duran.…

Ah, that sounds familiar now...thank you!  My dad had that and you’re right, it is some very scary shit.

Ah, yes, sucio!  Thanks to him, I use that word a lot...also “chancleta”.

If I was his wife, they’d have every reason to be scandalized!  Forget grabbing his elbow in public, they’d be lucky if I wasn’t constantly grabbing his SCHWANZ.

He had something seriously wrong with one of his eyes, but I’m not sure what. He hasn’t really talked about it for a while. I’m glad he still does the “Hot Slut of the Day” columns at least (amazing how many of them seem to be about food products I remember from my childhood), and occasionally other ones too.

You know it! He is my gossip icon.  I still remember choice gems from past columns like (this will not be verbatim, I’m sure) “I’m going to spend my Saturday like I always do: masturbating and then crying in the shower.” The other writers on Dlisted are fine, but none of them hold a candle to Michael K. I hope he’s…

I would very much enjoy the money and the ability to ride Prince Hot Ginge’s royal fleshscepter whenever I wanted, but everything else about being a royal sounds like a lesser level of hell to me. She held her husband’s elbow at an event? She crossed her legs at the knee? She expressed an opinion?!?! CRUCIFY THE HUSSY.

I check that site on a regular basis, not because I believe any of it (aside from some of the stuff about the Denver Airport), but because I find it so fascinating on a, for lack of a better word, clinical level.  They actually claim the “current” Britney Spears is a clone.

Oh shit, dudes!

Just the filter part, so you shouldn’t have to waste a cigarette! (Disclaimer: I have no idea if the type of nail polish remover/brand of cigarette makes a difference.  The handful of times my friend and I tried it, we used some cheap-ass generic nail polish remover and Marlboro cigarettes.)

Me too.  I WANT to be out and about, but not when stepping outside makes me melt like a fuckin’ Ark-gazing Nazi.  Nah, Ima leave a dent in my couch, eat too many weed peach gummy rings, and pass out in front of Masterchef instead, thanks.

Why, thank you!  Shit, with everyone jumping ship and me getting laid off at the end of the year, I’ll totally accept any reasonable offers. 

If you put nail polish remover on a cigarette filter, it dissolves into a goo that looks and feels exactly like jizz.

Mmmm, yes, King’s Hawaiian buns!  (I’ve had good luck finding them at Target.)  Loaded down with mustard and paired with a cold Coke, and that’s a fine meal right there.  I know they’re bad for me, I know they’re made out of seriously gross shit, but when it’s a billion degrees out, give me a nice hot dog meal eaten…

I was going to see this movie over the weekend, but next week I’ll be staying at what is supposedly the most haunted hotel in Canada, so I really don’t need another excuse to be jumpy. (Disclaimer: I don’t believe in ghosts 99% of the time, but the 1% I do is scary as shit, like the time I was catsitting and was…

Yes! When Clive looks out the window and remembers Maurice on the lawn at school...augh. I always feel terrible for him (and for his wife) but so frickin’ happy for Maurice and Alec. I hope they wound up in a big house filled with animals and good friends and had hot sex on the reg.