You’re not going to google it either, are you.

Maybe if you turn around really suddenly and slap someone unconscious with them? Just spitballing here.

Reverse motorboating? I know what motorboating is, but I’m afraid to google the other.

It’s actually a country on the Travel Ban list.

I’m humbled by the glory of that response.

I’m tellin’ your MOM!

People SAY THAT? I’m from the capital city of our fair Mitten, and omg. I’ve never heard anyone say that. Those people should just ... I don’t even have an appropriate punishment.

OMG. That’s IT. That’s why this is giving me chills! It’s that expression!! So self-satisfied. So smug. So ... vindicated? So thrilled that he got the upper hand on someone, or humiliated someone. Euuuugh.

was that a Hemingway reference? Pleasepleaseplease?

I was married to a narcissist for 20 years. I can say, firsthand, this IS the way they behave in public. I’ve seen him power past little old ladies (the kind who totter around, clutching the shopping cart for balance) in the grocery store. Many many times. If the person in front of them isn’t important to them in some…

*among

Yes! I get this feeling from some Republican voters that they’re rubbing their hands together in glee, cackling, “Ooooh! THAT’LL piss off those gays/elites/Muslims/college professors/etc.”

Start with the dumb but well-marbled.

That will be so wonderful when it happens. What a beautiful little dumpling you have.

Also, how on earth do you not spend every single moment kissing those darling little fingers? And those perfect little knees? Baby knees and fingers are so darned cute. Congratulations!

My nephew was born 12 weeks early! HE was basically the size of a sweet potato. He is now a giant, hairy, stinky 14 year old boy. As a preemie, he went through a couple of surgeries (the kind where the docs give you all that scary “don’t get your hopes up” commentary), and then a few years of breathing treatments…

DINGDINGDING!

Nope. Can’t be true. PLEASE LET IT NOT BE TRUE.

I like you

Oh no you did not.