He’s not helping. 

Dude, there’s 2700+ words before you even bring the prospect of advantage up! Some of us have jobs, you know.

Nice going. Now he’s fleeing to his safe house in Flagstaff again.

Fully agree. In fact, we should make the parents of the kids who attend public school show their tax returns prior to enrollment. Whoever pays the most taxes gets the best education. Whoever pays the least amount of taxes don’t get textbooks or schooling as good as the others - it’s only fair.

But if you pick LeBron, won’t he just end up leaving for the more talented MonStars?

I think the problem is that in slow-mo there’s probably some form of DPI on most contested throws, so a legit strategy if you need a big play would be to just send everyone on go routes 3 plays in a row and challenge when you think the most obvious DPI occurred. Boom. 35 yard penalty. That or you actually get a good…

that phantom p.i. call on brady in the 4th was some high quality bullshit.  

“Which bone is most likely to be infected with racism? Femur? Rib? Have medical professionals ever confirmed the existence of a racist bone?”

You have him mistaken with someone else. He’s an airline pilot. 

I assume a “New England-style hot dog” is actually pretty good, but you can’t enjoy it because fans of the same won’t stop telling you how good it is and how everyone else is out to discredit it.

Of Michigan’s last two Republican governors, one poisoned a city and it’s STILL difficult to decide which one’s a bigger piece of shit.

“Summa cum laude at Liberty University and this is what I’m doing.”

I get it. Being a car dealer in Chicago can be rough this time of year. 

If I get caught sending dick pics they’ll try to kick me off the Supreme Court

I don’t really pay attention to what Tom Brady says. I just feel blessed that we live in a time when a fancy dog like him has the power of speech at all! When we tell our grandkids about him, will they even believe us?

“Baby are you a Prius? Because you are giving me no indications that you are turned on right now.”

No we definitely do not. This was painful. Only finished it out of solidarity to Drew. 

Counterpoint: no we don't. We need Drew back. Badly. 

Do you want Terminators?!?! Because that is how you get Terminators!!

If you’re into sci-fi, read Cixin Liu’s Remembrance of Earth’s Past trilogy. It deals with similar issues, and is also just fantastic.