It can't possibly be worse than Heathrow. Even if it sinks.

Did someone just insult my phone?! On the INTERNET?! Say what you want about my mom, my wife, my car, my college, my country, my religion or my favorite NFL team, but if you dare speak ill of my phone ... I will cut you.

Hmm ... too small to kill a person, just big enough to put an eye out. I know what I'm getting my cousin's kids this Christmas!

Casey, Casey, Casey, apparently you don't know much about how babies are made. Fact is, we were all, at one time, nothing more than a frightened face in our father's nutsack.

That poor white-haired IT guy has to do half his work on a touchscreen at eye level. Apparently the HR department at his place truly detests all that ergonomics nonsense.

From the photo, I thought the problem was that Calendar says the first of every month is a Friday. But the real problem is obviously much more horrible than I could have possibly imagined.

Wah? I have to read the actual article to find out why he's an assclown? But it's so looooong! C'mon, Giz, gimme the muck! I've got work to do and I require my slime in condensed form.

Products with orifices — even electrical ones — should not be named using the word "Plug," especially if there's also another word starting with the letters "BU" in the same name. Add it to the guidebook. Exception: If it really is a sex toy, then it's fine.

With stuff like groceries and little off-the-shelf items, there's really not much more work to do. Yeah, I'll want to talk it over with a salesperson for a big-ticket item, but when it comes to everyday goods, handing over the money and getting the hell out sounds kind of nice, especially if it means avoiding a line.

I heard its Palm OS app is gonna be the tits!

Looks like Borg poo.

This helps, thanks!

I'm thinking about taking the plunge with this one. BUT! The next update they do in a few months will very likely have Ivy Bridge processors, right? Can anyone tell me what the big benefit with that will be?

Pride. Self-reflection. Status. Attention. That's all well and good.

Jager Shot!

iPhone 4: Yay!

Cool, now I can talk to that lady from the Xtranormal cartoons!

Of course, ISPs are supposed to have a comprehensive list of every smutty site, every pornographic page, everywhere on the wide, wild, woolly Web. Every cock is cataloged, every ass archived, every tit tagged.

That last one of him holding an apple ... a bit too subtle for me, perhaps. Any help?

It's very possible you know plenty of Apple people who aren't cultish about it at all. You're just not aware they're Apple people because they don't yammer on and on about how much they looooove Apple. For some people, it really is just a preferred phone/OS/computer, not a whole way of living.