Hmm ... I hope your experience is the same thing an average schmuck like me would get. Maybe they're that good to everyone, or maybe they're that good to writers at popular tech blogs (assuming Molly Oswaks isn't a pseudonym, of course).

Why would you lick stamps? Aren't they all pre-stickied now? Unless they lick you first; then it's only right to return the favor.

My potion is imagination (vodka added).

I thought Windows Phone 7 was supposed to be the clean break from the old ways (WinMobile). I thought THAT was the OS that "laid the cement" for the future. Just how many layers of cement are on the way before they actually start building the house?

You're right — I don't see very many people dressed like Lane Pryce. His taste in neckties was, let's say, rather constrictive.

Yet I still see a million ads a day for shit that doesn't interest me in the least. So maybe they know less about my true desires than they think they do.

Didn't Neil Peart take an epic cross-country journey on this bike in order to heal from a family tragedy? That happened, right?

Try removing your b-day info from your profile a month or so before your birthday. When the big day comes around, you'll see how much the world really remembers.

A chunk of data that big is guaranteed to have a nice pile of porn in it somewhere. These guys should have a grand old time.

This is all for medical gadgets designed to stay inside the body, right? That's fine, but can we please work on something that will turn me into a human battery charger for external devices? I'd like to be able to charge my phone and other things by burning the fat contained in my body. Also, I don't like the idea of…

Regular porn not doing it for you anymore either, huh?

My batshit calendar:

Out of respect for The Oatmeal, I'm going to link to the site rather than paste in the whole damn JPG. [theoatmeal.com]

I assume the brains themselves were very relieved. Brain freeze for 10 seconds is bad enough.

Personally, I'd love to have an office chair called "Rostytrombun."

I don't know how all the bean counting works, but I'm under the impression that HBO doesn't just rake in the (approx) $16/month its subscribers pay their cable companies. I'm guessing HBO tells its cable partners something like, "If not for HBO, lots of people wouldn't subscribe to your shitty little cable operation…

How about police departments only issue tasers to cops willing to undergo a prolonged round of repeated tasering. Have three senior officers surround the initiate, discharge their tasers simultaneously, and keep issuing shocks until the devices' batteries are depleted.

Yeah, this was like a 6th grade science project a developing psychopath would put together. Next: Let's see how well frogs jump without legs.

Thank you — zombies absolutely must have a shelf life. I can (and often do) buy the concept of zombies as far as movies, TV and books are concerned, but I'm just not going to buy free and infinite zombie stamina. Otherwise you could put a million zombies in a million hamster wheels and solve the world's energy…

Avenue D orders a case of the stuff.