I pack my 5-year-old son’s lunch and he gets a treat. He is arguing that Fig Newtons are not a treat, I say they are. Will you settle this for us?

Drink whatever you want - but Dilly Dilly is dumb as fuck. People who think it is funny are terrible independent of their beer selection.

...you’ll hear “doobie doobie doo” as a security guard sneaks up to eject you.

Wait, wazzzzup?

If it makes you feel any better, they said “ejected,” not “beaten with a stick.” So feel free to disagree with their half-measures.

What does being a beer snob have to do with hating a beer commercial catch phrase that peaked in October 2017? Anyone still using it is the same guy who repeats a joke someone else just made because he’s too dim witted to think of anything funny on his own.

Just turned 30 last week, and while it really upsets me that my generation eats Tide Pods, goddamnit, it INFURIATES me that Tide is allowed to make them look so delicious. How are we supposed to not eat them?

How fucking dumb do you have to be to buy into a marketing slogan from a piss beer company as something you should yell out as a catch phrase?

Oddly enough, they were perfectly fine with Heineken marketing.

Yeah. I’m 34, but apparently I like to eat brightly colored detergents.

I can’t hate on Larry Bird because he is partially responsible for one of my favorite photographs of all time. There is so much going on in this picture, and all of it is amazing.  

That photo is so white it asked me to film it eating a Tide Pod.

Rob Porter?

That photo is so white it just asked me if it could talk to my manager

That photo is so white that as soon as I clicked on the article it asked to see my drivers license.

Here at Fox News, we’ll never stop doing what we do best: getting dunked on by anybody who bothers to try.

Fun Laura Ingraham anecdote: after her fiance, Dinesh D’Souza, left her for Ann Coulter, she went to his house in Georgetown, put the garden hose through the mail slot, turned on the water, and left.

“We cannot and will not allow voices to be censored by agenda-driven intimidation efforts…We look forward to having Laura Ingraham back hosting her program next Monday when she returns from spring vacation with her children.”

The invisible hand of the free market is all well and good until it sticks its thumb in your eye. Maybe Papa John’s wants to be a sponsor?

It’s a “war” to them when the other side actually fights back. When you fight for the poor then you’re inciting “class warfare” when you fight for the rights of racial minorities you’re inciting “race wars” and of course when you fight for social justice you are a “social justice warrior”. When the rich and powerful…