The last time an owner of St. Louis Spirits received $500 million was 2009, when the Cardinals paid off Tony La Russa's bar tab.

OK apparently this is 2 floors up. Putting on my Gore-Tex jacket now, just in case.

Only in 2014 do you find out there's a poo water leak in your office on Deadspin before you hear about it from the person next to you.

At least they cleared the staff out of there . . . I always have to hustle into the office whenever a shitstorm results from too many assholes.

Bowelar Vortex

I'm something of an expert in this area, and I must say: I am beside myself. I mean, seriously, I'm right here, watching myself over there, dancing like a crazed bacchant. This is so weird: I feel like an over-stuffed couch, and where the hell did this wrecking ball come from?

AD Bob Stull refused comment, but Floyd later confirmed that he's not just being coy.

According to my sources, Spence was actually suspended by the NCAA because he signed the ecstasy and traded it for money to buy groceries.

What an idiot! First you win the Heisman then you pop some ex.

"Random folks putting ecstasy in beer cups then handing them out to a person at a party, then the person drinks it, then the person ends up in your apartment having sex with you, then your friend walks in, then you two laugh, then nine months later your semen shows up in a rape kit, then you have a press conference…

When looking back on his decisions, I wonder if Spence considers the ecstasy worth the agony?

Outrageous! He should be suspended! Living in Columbus he has no right to be extremely happy.

Ecstasy is performance enhancing if playing defensive end involved glow sticks and getting back rubs from other dudes.

University of

The enforced secrecy is due to the fact that the UTEP players won't be charged as adults.

Bad shaving has also been reported

This is Doctor Dreadful.

Ooh and ahh? Just like your mother said last night, Trebek.