Wow, WV has changed since I moved away in 2000. I grew up there and never once saw a goddamn Thai restaurant. We had the stereotypical shitty Chinese buffet/carryout named _______ Dragon.

I’m so sorry my aunt is one of those people. My whole family is from a really rural area, cows and all. I live in the big city so my family will sometimes come down for supper at nice restaurants, and sometimes I’ll bring them to asian restaurants that aren’t just white people chinese food, but there are so many…

I’m extremely conflicted about that scene.

This is why you don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.

You are the devil. And now I want deviled eggs.

A moose ate him.

My husband had to restrain me at a Disney World counter-service restaurant, where we waited in line to order for FIFTEEN MINUTES, and the people in front of me STILL had to lingeringly peruse the menu board which had been plainly visible to them for FIFTEEN MINUTES (did I mention we’d all been standing in front of it…

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

Thank you BCO! As a single mom of a rambunctious 2 year old I know that 1) she’s just going to be an asshole in restaurants. period. and 2) the only way she’ll learn not to be an asshole in restaurants is if I take her to eat out and teach her the rules. I order her food first, bring my own sippy cup with milk so she…

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

“Near the end of my lustrous career I had a drive-through customer who asked for his coffee “stirred twice clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, and four times clockwise.””

Man, that’s awful. You know, I’ve recently been in touch with a prince from over there and he’s probably going to owe me a favour after I help him out with a little jam with his finances. I’ll see if he can look into it.

Offer me a free upgrade to first class and I would gladly move . . .

WHAT THE FUCK.

Female air marshals.

Flying on a plane with your period is just irresponsible. You want to attract flying bears? Because that’s how you attract flying bears.

When I was a F/A I heard some stories of Hasidic men asking the flight attendants if they were “dirty” meaning on their periods on flights to Tel Aviv. Apparently the men cannot accept service items from “dirty” women. Most F/A’s would answer that they were absolutely on their period.

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know my cheddar biscuits will be free. And I won't forget the men who died, so I can bitch about automatic gratuity.

And none of it is for you, potato lady!