Ugh. Three people who almost always manage to get what they want by throwing money around are at loggerheads over small land parcels worth more than I make a year.

EAT THE RICH.

Milk. It does a baaaahdy goood.

When I say, “no comment” does it sound too much like, “yes?”

PASS - I hear gorillas are hung like nothing and from what I remember from whichever Wild Planet (or whateva) it’s pretty brutal mating.

Also, I require a photo of OctOreo consumption.

Will you please be my buzz buddy???

Take two double stuff oreos, pull off one cookie from each. smoosh the two cookie + filling sides together ... Quadoreos.

You’re welcome.

Also, do yoga pants count as wearing PJ’s all the time, because if so...

DAD???

For some reason, I tried to pronounce “tbh” and it came out kinda like this:

I was baptized not once, not twice, but thrice, because old lady feud.

I was baptized in the Episcopal church as a babe with both Grans in attendance. Three weeks later, my Irish Catholic Gran Catherine had me baptized “right” by the Catholic priest (on a Tuesday if family lore serves). My Welsh Protestant Gran Polly…

The thought of hitting on anyone is laughable.

It’s just brain-hurty to still feel 24, look early 30’s and then do the driver’s license math...

Mom???

I have arthritis in my shoulder and elbow, can I just kick the cane over to you?

I ...

Six days before my 42nd birthday was not when I needed to read this.

For some reason, I’m guessing ol’ girl had the receipt squirreled away and managed to bring it in with the socks???

Im addition to tipping 18-20%, I pre-pre-bus my table - stacking the plates so they are firmly seated atop each other, all trash and leftovers on the top plate only so that it is the least cumbersome a plate stack can be.
I’ve been offered jobs and marriage by the occasional server for this small act.

this totally should’ve said “non-chocolate-eating”

(more for momma)