It was a very near thing.

My husband?

What even is that? I swear to Jesus my husband doesn’t even know that counters need to be wiped.

I feel like we are all just raging against an indifferent universe. We are literally talking about treason and 39% of the country is just like “and I approve this message!”

But people have been saying that for like ten years now. And we are still here.

I do. Like a lot.

Her bottom is a perfect half sphere. Her legs are still perfectly muscular and slender. It defies all traditional proportions.

I really thought she was going for th”obvious plastic surgery” look. It comes as a bit of a surprise that she isn’t.

Hey, her body launched a thousand Kardashians and I respect her for that.

Like I would believe that her nose is achieved through contouring, but not her bottom. That is 100% unsubtle aftermarket.

She doesn’t look like anything found in nature.

The lady is gorgeous with or without the surgery. There is nothing wrong with choosing to change your appearance. Hell, I wear mascara and dye my hair, I see no moral difference between me and her except in her level of commitment to an aesthetic.

But for real, Nikki Minaj has for sure had work done. Not body shaming, I just didn’t think it was a secret?

Well she had to contact eBay for arbitration and everything!

It was the smug ultimate liberal bullshit that got to me.

My favorite Bernie bro with her controversial “Hillary has to WIN my vote” stance has immediately shut down all political commentary and focused with laser like precision on the injustice of her recent eBay purchase not being as described. Great.

I know that feel. Some days all I have are frizzy strings.

Weirdly enough my brain keeps going back to Internet lactivists. Like America is falling apart, I am terrified every day and there are still freaking women on the internet just like “but are you breastfeeding?”

Literally reading this during a load screen.

Sarcasm dude.