It sounds like you two have figured out what works for you, so more power to you! And thanks for your volunteer work. A lot of my previous work history was semi-related to that work, and I know it’s hard as heck to stick with. You’ve helped a people tremendously at some of the hardest moments a person can have, and…

I’m also married to a (the same?) chef. Why do the cheffed-up clothes small so horrible? The food smells good, the dirty clothes smell like hell’s dumpster. And is it part of culinary school training that they must dispose of their dirty socks on or near the coffee table? That table is for MY COFFEE.

Hey bae, will you pick up a bottle of wine for me on your way home? Or two?

Yeah, probably not a trade I’d make willingly. Hope you aren’t feeling too bad, and that you have the support you need!

Yeah I don’t want coffee-flavored vape fumes added to the smorgasbord of odors I encounter on my morning commute. I fear it’ll ruin coffee for me.

As you point out you are very lucky, but there’s no shame at all in doing what works for you and your partner. There are far more ways to make a meaningful life than to work or procreate. I feel like pretty much any choice any woman makes gets debated and judged, and it’s hard not to feel defensive no matter what your…

Where do they think their things go, if they don’t pick them up and they don’t think we’re cleaning up after them? Honestly most of the time I just do it without thinking because I tend to straighten up as I go about my day. I would have to concentrate really on not picking his things up if I wanted him to realize how…

I guess just even the couples I know where one half stays home, the staying home doesn’t happen until after kids happen. But yes, I am a poor as compared to those families.

I feel like for me that would be rad for about 3 months, provided no financial stress. After that I’d need a way to be busy, I’d probably take art classes or something. It’d be pretty baller.

Women in my family always had to work as far back as I’m aware of, because their families needed the money. They just had fewer options for entry into the workforce and were relegated to low paying, ‘pink collar’ jobs.

This explains why he’s always asking me where we keep commonly-used items like he’s never been in our house before and and I am responsible for guiding him. It’s because he’s maintaining multiple households where the scissors/stamps/checkbook are all kept in different places and he can’t keep them straight.

I came back from a four day trip a couple years ago to a total mess, including four pairs of dirty socks on the coffee table. Neither of us had noticed the degree to which I’d been cleaning up after him, and I hadn’t even notices I’d been moving dirty socks (which he took off after work while sitting on the couch)…

Yeah I mean he more or less says that’s what he’s doing. Honesty would just be so much easier, so I still don’t understand it. If I could just get things done myself it would save me later headaches and have the added benefit of not eroding my ability to trust him to be honest with me.

Just to check: does your husband also routinely ask you where you keep commonly used household items as if he has never been in his own home and used the stapler/scissors/scotch tape/lightbulbs before? Maybe my (our?) husband is constantly confused about the unchanged location of these items because he’s secretly…

Yeah, any real life examples that don’t involve tons of disposable income sound like they’d dissolve quickly into boredom and possibly depression. Hang in there!

I still fail to see how that strategy is rational. Although my husband would be able to confirm to you that while I would probably be annoyed if he said no, I would just do it myself. He’s pushing off feeling guilty about it.

Exactly. When you lie routinely about little things even where the stakes are low, it tells me, over and over again, that you would lie about something big with higher stakes. I can’t help but feel like you can’t be trusted. Why don’t they understand and act on that?

That would open a whole other bag of worms.

Yeah, I know. It’s just funnier this way. I also like to poke fun at how unhelpful these kinds of studies are for lay people, by and large, even though they’re packaged as helpful insights.

This strategy is something that could work for us, thanks for sharing!