I think it’s a little different though since we traditionally organize our family ‘tribes’ around heterosexual couplings. There is plenty of familiarity between men and women, and typically the same men who hate women also want their company and attention, so the analogy to racism and xenophobia doesn’t seem fully…

I think this way too. I used to work in domestic violence and sexual assault prevention and one of the stats that people found very upsetting was that pregnant women’s most likely cause of death is murder, and that domestic violence often begins or escalates when a woman is pregnant. People used to theorize that this…

Such good advice. I have a Bad Bitch playlist for psyching myself up for vulnerable situations.

I have so been there. The worst are the dreams after, because they can manage to make you think in your sleep you want something that you DEF DO NOT WANT.

You are not alone. This is good advice, particularly the self-coaching, building in goals and rewards bit.

This is a little weird and I don’t know if this works for anyone but me, but sometimes when I feel like things are getting to be really overwhelming and I know that I still have a long way to go before it’s over (the event or trip or whatever) I step away (to the bathroom or lobby or street - pretend to take a call!)…

That’s awesome! I haven’t worked there in a long while but I’m sure that’s appreciated. People can be really mean. Also for some reason... I’ve worked at a lot of restaurants but when I worked at Chipotle it was like I was famous, people would get really excited to see me out in the world all.the.time. I will never…

I mean if the people making yours give you more, that’s great, but in training they’re not like “give people with bowls an extra scoop of rice.” People used to swear to my face that I gave them more for the same price when I made a bowl v. a burrito, but it just looks different in the container because it’s not…

I hear you. I don’t think anyone minds when people order bowl with tortilla on the side, it’s just a myth that you’re getting more food. When I worked there I would always make my own food kind of upside down in the bowl like you described, ie cheese then hot sauce, then beans, veggies, other salsas, rice on top. That…

People think they end up with more food this way than if they’d gotten a burrito. Really, the only thing extra they get is a plastic fork and cardboard bowl. Portion sizes don’t change.

I worked a couple years at Chipotle and people always tried to order weird shit by weird names, claiming it was on a secret menu. There was no secret menu I was trained on, but they’d get mad when I asked them to tell me what it was they actually wanted so eventually I’d just kind of guess and make something weird up.…

I worked at Chipotle, it’s really roughly the same amount of food (unless the worker is messing up pretty bad idk) but you eat less of it. I guess bc it looks like more because it isn’t compacted into the burrito? Or because you eat it slower?

Thank you for stringing these words together, this is such an important crystallization of a lot of complicated ideas.

Jia, I really respect you as a writer, and I liked this essay.

I think it’s important to note that criminal justice data bears out that the false allegation rate (ie truly the allegation is made up) tracks with that of other crimes.

Someone needs to make flushable poop bags, then. As it is the logistics of flushing the poop, then throwing the baggie in the trash (and thus nonetheless polluting the groundwater) would be really unsanitary in practice.

In that case I’d suggest you propose to such places that they install a public diaper genie or provide bags for people to seal the diaper in? I wouldn’t think hygiene would be improved by having all those diapers carried around the store/cafeteria. Even in people’s bags, they reach in and out and store money/other…

I don’t have a kid, I just don’t have neurotic hangups about ‘hygiene’ that have nothing to do with actual hygiene. I just don’t understand why wrapping a diaper up and carrying it around with you as you go about your day (presumably in public places) is better than throwing it in the bathroom trash, usually wrapped…

You don’t dig with your hands through public restroom trash cans, do you?

I worked in lots of restaurants and this was standard. Also, if a diaper is sealed in a plastic bag it won’t stink up the place, so we just took out trash frequently regardless.