I hope the Yo Momma joke that made her sick doesn’t go viral. 

“She’s my mother! She’s my mother! She’s my mother! She’s my mother!”

“This has put me in a difficult position where I must pick one or the other - and as a result I pick mother.”

Unable to purchase because of diagnosed mental illness, mandatory safety/upkeep/targeting training at least every two years.

At least Winston only disrespected a woman and not the flag. /s  

Winston was forced to admit to drinking, which he blamed the entire incident on (but which he also maintains didn’t happen; I’m not sure how that works, exactly),

I think about it all the time. And it still gives me the “angry tickles.” Just makes me furious. And rock hard. And confused. But my wife, who I lovingly call “Mother”, says I’m getting better.

An outstanding literary reference. Bravo.

Fuck off. The adults are talking.

In the end Winston did love Big Brother, so there you go.

The NFL is handling this so shellfishly.

I hope this message catches on. The country would greatly benefit if the majority were to abandon this notion that an invisible man will make everything better if they just ask him enough times and in the right ways.

Shooter is in custody = probably a white guy.

His nose looks like my labradoodle’s nutsack.

hahaha man this hit way too close to home. 

You’re my hero. 

“Barstool Radio, a show enjoyed exclusively by Deloitte interns who wish they were still in college”

“See it’s okay because I’m also physically repulsive.”

To all other liberals with any sense: Strap the fuck up. Any one still under the delusion that this will ultimately be resolved at the ballot, needs to shake themselves the fuck out of that idea.

Just a murder of journalists potentially incited by the POTUS. Please, stay civil.