If she didn’t want attention paid to her breasts, she shouldn’t have worn a Pattiz bra.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one:

I thought everyone did this. What exactly does the expression “get on one’s soapbox” mean, then?

I so want that to be the Clergy Act.

Pursuing this case is soap petty.

Well *someone* wasn’t Heard yelling, “Ducks!”

People react differently to alcohol.

I prefer to consult the magic 8-ball. And from the looks of it, so does Babs.

Execution seems like an overreaction. I prefer a policy that just lox ‘em up.

I think she was out there in front of the embassy in overalls, rearranging the cones.

When I get sloppy drunk, I do things like fall all over my friends and tell them I love them, hurt myself trying to vault low hedges, and vomit.

I thought relief to their long suffering came when they dropped Old Style.

I hate the term ‘sexual favor.’ ‘Sexual favor’ should be reserved for things like, “Could you please pass me the lube?”

#BlackWidowsMatter

The Red Sox can keep this iconic mascot, though, right?

So — not understanding the U.S. Constitution is a longstanding family tradition.

Unless that’s the name of a South Park or Simpsons episode, I’m going to guess, no, no one.

In 2001, I said to my dad (like me, a lifelong Red Sox fan), “I guess with all that happened this year, you have to root for the Yankees in the World Series.”

Maya left the house for a walk today and got lost.

Things mentioned in this story known to kill small dogs: