After hours of excruciating work, I believe I have decoded this enigma:

You’ve wandered into adequateman.deadspin.com by mistake. You’re looking for thecuck.gawker.com.

GO BACK TO JEZEBEL, MAN-HATER.

Personally, I think it’s disgusting that she was sleeping with her uncle in exchange for a job on the force.

Glad to see him dismissing any lingering health concerns about Hillary.

My wildly speculative guess is that married Lieutenant Casanova has a lot of explaining to do.

On October 11, he also agreed not to visit any schools in the parish for now.

They should never have let the state economy become so dependent on a volatile non-renewable commodity which required massive subsidies to extract and causes permanent damage to land and water.

Not really:

It’s probably a wide stance, too.

Hate to be the one to break it to you, but your mom’s cool with all that.

Ohio hasn’t seen dancing like that since Devo left Akron for good.

I certainly hope you mean Rudy’s and not the Anchor.

“Why does everyone think, despite the fact that it says, ‘Kansas City, MISSOURI,’ that the entire state of Kansas is horrible? Blame Missouri if you have to.”

I should hope they apologized. For making the Dartmouth team risk their lives in New Haven.

Today, my camp issued the following statement:

Bangs her fist?

“Our culture is filled with bars and strip clubs on every corner.”

It’s only fair: School cafeteria workers haven’t been providing students with anything edible in forever, amirite? 

I understand the need to shoehorn this gif in at the first opportunity.