Foreigners steal food and wallets. This is the funny stuff right here, people!

There will be plenty of blazers showing up at any Bill Walton statue, believe you me.

It’s clearly time for a War on All Causes.

I’m frankly more concerned about the behavioral choices of this guy:

Anytime I read lists like this about weddings it makes me happy that my wife and I have so few fucks to give.

It is with a heavy heart and a plea to respect my privacy that I nonetheless confirm that the Knievel household is, indeed, an unregulated mess.

I’m mostly worried about what’s going on with Connor’s South Tower.

But “I like this guy more than that guy” is qualitatively different from “prevent this jackass from hijacking our great party.”

Lawless: Breaking all the rules.

Hamilton, people like you will never be happy until everyone has an equal opportunity to pursue the American dream, regardless or race, gender, national origin, sexual orientation or status of birth.

And she specifically asked for “Michelle."

As with most of the old-money families I know, any semblance of values has taken a backseat to brand portfolios by the 7th generation.

Georgia hospital rooms appear just as I’d imagined: appointed with homemade furniture, half-finished rum & Cokes and swill-beer advertisements.

Jokes on you, New Yorker. My life — and the world — was ruined years ago.

I’ve been using men’s bathrooms for what now, three decades or more? And I’ve never seen transgendereds in there.

Or course Oregon has a Coffee Creek. It flows into Savory Waffle Pond.

I, for one, will only accept Deadspin content about ant films that make you cry and the latest deals on phone chargers and robot vacuums.

It’s not really our place as commenters to make moral judgments about the relative goodness of quicksand.

“I don’t have a problem with this.”