For a year in college, I not only lived in a walk-in closet (most of which one could not stand up in), and not only had sex in it, but so did another couple that my “roommate” let use it while I was away.

There you are! I was waiting over five minutes for you to show up.

The last time we spoke at length, he told me to “suck my dick”

Two things I likewise would not want to be identified as: Cubs fan, Pearl Jam enthusiast.

It’s good to see 4 Non Blondes getting some work again, though.

Did you know cows have hooves? It’s true: They lactose.

I can’t believe my favorite free tool went away, but NO WAY am I going to pay for my second-favorite tool. I sure hope it doesn’t go away, too!

Guy from Washington Post remembers feeling cool at Phish show fondly.

“It’s gonna be a beautiful, beautiful wall. Believe me.”

That there’s a noun.

“Out of respect for you, I’m pissing on your mother’s grave. What?!”

I’ll be honest: I would like this kitchen, even if I’d only stare at my phone while eating Doritos in it.

“These are the healthiest players ever.”

He shouldn’t have been messin’ round Poo Corner.

“Hey, I’m totally self-absorbed, and someone’s badmouthing me. I’ll pretend to be someone else and give ‘em a piece of my mind.”

If you see something, mime something.

She seems nice.

I searched “below average” and got a nice selfie.

How come literally no one understood your straightforward point here?